We Are NOT A Couple!
by Alexia Blackbriar
Summary: After NOTD Before DOTD. Clara is damn annoyed about people thinking that she and the Doctor are a couple. Even his past companions seem to think they're together! And the PM too! What the hell! Whouffle. One shot.


There were several times that Clara and the Doctor were called a couple. They denied it every time, but it was getting annoying at how often it was now being suggested.

The first time, it was with Jack Harkness. Clara and the Doctor had been chasing a Slitheen through Cardiff, trying to get it onto the TARDIS to take it to the Shadow Proclamation as it had been trying to blow up Earth. It had been about to escape but the Captain had turned up and stunned it. The Captain started flirting with Clara, and the Doctor had reacted angrily, grabbing Clara's hand and marching her towards the TARDIS.

"Don't worry, Doc," Captain Jack Harkness assured him, with his dashing smile. "I'm not gonna steal your girl!"

"No - no," the Doctor tried. "No, Jack, we're not a couple."

"You sure about that?" Jack replied, smirking.

The second time was with Sarah Jane Smith. The TARDIS duo had ran into her - literally ran. They had been running away from a rabid alien hunting hound that had a taste for Time Lords. Sarah Jane, Rani, Clyde and Sarah's two kids Luke and Sky had hidden Clara and the Doctor in their attic. On the way back to the TARDIS, Clara had held the Doctor's hand and chatted with him happily.

"You two make such a cute couple!" Rani squealed.

"What?" the Doctor blanched. "No - no - we're not -"

"We're not a couple," Clara said firmly.

"Oh, really?" Rani looked confused.

Even Sarah Jane frowned. "But I thought -"

"We are NOT a couple," Clara confirmed.

"Oh. Right." To say that Luke, Sky, Rani and Sky were bemused was the understatement of the year.

The third time, it was Martha and Mickey Smith-Jones. The Doctor had needed medical treatment after a run in with a space shark in the Pyronian Galaxy, so Clara had arranged a meeting over the phone. The Doctor hated stitches and injections, so Clara had kissed his forehead and sat next to him, squeezing his hand and promising him hot cocoa and Jammie dodgers when they got back to the TARDIS. They went out to lunch before walking back to Martha and Mickey's house.

"Are you two together then?" Mickey asked.

"No," Clara told them, very patiently. "We're not a couple."

"Oh, you two are so dating."

"We are NOT A COUPLE," Clara insisted. But she didn't hear the Doctor contradicting the statement.

The forth time was with Kate Stuart. UNIT had called for help due to some very hostile Zygons attempting to destroy the planet and killing several people in the process. The Doctor and Clara had arrived at the scene and fought the Zygons, unarmed, and the aliens were now back on course to Zygor, as it turned out that they had only been trying to hurt humans in the first place due to a man swearing at them for trying to 'borrow' his car.

"I'm glad you have finally found somebody special, Doctor," Kate said, smiling, as she led them back towards the TARDIS parked outside the Tower of London.

"Oh god, not again," Clara muttered. "The Doctor and I are NOT a couple!" She announced loudly to the whole of UNIT.

As they entered the TARDIS to make their exit, Kate smiled and whispered, "They're not fooling anyone."

The fifth time was actually the last straw. The Doctor and Clara had just stopped an alien terrorist attack in London and were on National Television, being called heroes and the saviours of England. The Prime Minister had even turned up to thank the both of them personally and had even decreed the day a National holiday to show the appreciation of the pair.

"So, when are you making it official?" The PM asked the Doctor and Clara, right as the BBC camera was turned on the three of them. "When is the wedding?"

Clara's eye twitched. She clenched her fists and bit her lip, looking ready to completely explode. The Doctor flinched and shifted away from her slightly.

"We are not a couple," Clara said, deathly calm. "We are NOT and will NEVER BE a couple. We are NOT TOGETHER, we are NOT DATING, we are NOT ENGAGED." She was shrieking now furiously, the perfect picture of rage. "WE ARE NOT A -"

Before she even had time to finish the sentence, the Doctor swooped in and kissed her straight on the lips for several seconds straight. Clara was too shocked to push away, and actually found herself responding as the Time Lord wrapped us arms around her waist. There were several loud 'AWW's from the crowd and applause. The kiss broke off and the pair of them stared at each other.

"You kissed me," Clara whispered.

"It was the only way to get you to shut up," the Doctor mumbled back.

Slowly, Clara turned to face the camera. There was silence for a moment, before the Impossible Girl squeaked, "Yeah, we're a couple. We've been going out for months. We're planning on getting married soon in the summer and want to have a kid."

"Two kids," the Doctor piped up quickly from the side.

"Yeah, two kids," Clara squeaked. "Maybe three."

"Well isn't that sweet," the Prime Minister beamed gleefully.

"Yeah, it really is," the Doctor gushed. "Goodbye!"

He grabbed Clara's hand and they ran together to the TARDIS hidden in the corner. And somewhere, far away, a ground of people were chortling hysterically, in tears as they had fits on the ground, laughing so hard they might not be able to breathe.

"Told you so!" Martha Smith-Jones chuckled.

"At least they finally accepted it," Sarah Jane Smith laughed.

Jack Harkness shook his head, amused. "I can't believe we all set them up like that. I've got to thank the PM for catching on so quickly."

Silence reigned for a moment.

"So, any idea when the wedding is?"


End file.
